Musings of an inconsistent mind

The most frustrating thing about being with children or teaching them is when you ask them to do something and they just deny it.It is just a NO. Have you noticed that the first few words that the child utters is "NO" What all we adults do, to make children do what we want them to... 1. We reason with them(when they are extremely young and don't even understand what you are talking about ..lol) 2. We threaten them- If you don't do this..I will tell the teacher/daddy.  If you don't listen to me, I will not talk to you If you don't eat, Mama will be very sad(and one fake sad face) If you say No, I will cut your TV time 3. We bribe them If you eat now, I will buy you a chocolate If you write, I will give you a surprise If you sleep now, I will buy you something new If you get good marks, I will buy you a bicycle ALL WRONG METHODS What we are actually trying to show the child. For him to do what is right, he must expect a reward. If he do...

You know your baby is all grown up when he puts his foot down and shows you that he can protect you. I witnessed this today as my little nephew(not little anymore apparently) decided to protect me and help me overcome my fear. I am petrified of dogs (because of a scary stray dog incident when I was little that I carry till date)and I am the type who would rather walk a few kilometres extra to avert one stray dog who is probably just lying down in the corner of the street. If he is barking, I am most likely to freeze and maybe even cry. As my nephew and I were walking through a street , we heard barking dogs-a battalion of them ...and as expected a chill ran down my spine and I held his hand quite tightly and said we should take another route. My nephew was probably tired of this behaviour of mine because today he said he was going to put an end to this madness and make sure I overcome the fear. I became hysteric and yelled at him in the street, but in vain. He very coolly said he was...

Are you not very bright academically? Are you unable to work in a competitive environment? Are you a person who puts "marriage" before "career"? Are you the "sweet little child" of your parents who doesn't have to struggle much to prove yourself? Despite all this, do you still want to have a job and earn some pocket money to buy your handbags and lipsticks? Do you need a lot of free time and holidays because you don't want to stress much about life? Oh..You should clearly choose "Teaching" Is there any surprise that people look down upon our teachers? ..like they were the dumbest people on earth? Hell how could we trust our children in the hands of such teachers? I remember one stranger gentleman started a conversation with me and we were able to strike a nice rapport for a while, when he asked me what I did for a living. When I mentioned the word "teacher", I could see castles crumbling in his eyes. He couldn't believe...

Most of us have a strange idea that children should play and be with only those of their same age group. If the child enjoys the company of someone much older or much younger we seem to worry.  But have you seen fights between children of different age groups? It is quite rare. Younger children  like to follow older ones and the older ones naturally become responsible for the younger ones. In our schools, where children of the same age group are in the same class, conflicts and quarrels and jealousy is quite common. No wonder our teachers have to actively engage all children all the time and be extra vigilant when children have free time. In classrooms with children of mixed age group , one may notice that younger children pick up concepts much much easily from the older ones. Children have a way of communicating their understanding to each other. It is amazing how easily the older children make the younger ones grasp ideas. The teacher may therefore not have to shout and...

If you have had the good fortune of being surrounded by elderly people, you must have heard a lot of life lessons from them. Profound ideas, simple ideas, dos and donts in life, regret and guilt..so so many things  ..all in the intention of making sure you do not commit the same mistakes that they did. Over a period of time, life teaches us many many lessons but a few seem to repeat themselves as if like a compass trying to point in some direction that you ought to be focussing upon. If someone were to ask you what is your mantra in life...you probably will be able to recall some life lessons that have stayed with you through REPETITIVE experiences. One such glorious moment of my life was when I realised mine. I remember when I was in school, I couldn't wait to grow up and go to a city. It was my greatest dream to move and live in Chennai. Having lived in a small town for a very long time, it was nearly a utopian dream for me...to be able to enjoy the hustle and bustle of a city...

We often complain about the fact that we don't live in clean places-our roads, streets, toilets are not clean. We throw garbage everywhere, we spit and pee on the road, we don't care for the cleanliness of the toilets. We complain all the time. We say that our folks do not have self discipline.When is this self discipline actually taught? We watch an accident on road and people minding their own business and not bothering to help. What do we say? There is no cohesion in the society..people have become ruthless and heartless. No? How do you bring out the sense of community and cohesion in people? Lets say you are eating an ice-cream and your child picks the cherry on your ice-cream and eats it up. We usually discount this -and attribute it to the fact that it is natural for the child to do it. We not only don't correct the child, but rather enjoy it. We believe that self discipline is not meant for the young , and that with age, it would be naturally developed. Is...

What is that one lesson all of us have received as children? DO NOT BREAK OR DESTROY ANYTHING. From the time we were babies and we knew not, the value of THINGS, the adults in the house have always hidden and protected the VALUABLE items in the house. Thats still ok. Even the toys that you received as a child, had to maintained well. Nothing should break. There was always a fear in all of us about what if something was broken and what if I am beaten up or scolded for. On a day to day basis, a lot of things break or peel or wear due to use or just by mistake. What do we do as adults when that happens? If we are parents, we shout or express disappointment and let it go; or ; we just accept it and throw it away, promising the child to get another one soon (The sooner the replacement, if the breakage wasn't because of the child) . If we are teachers, we ask the child to keep the broken item aside and we try and mend it after all children leave the class. Do we ever fix it then and t...

I was one of the academically bright students in school who consistently scored a distinction in every test and exam and emerged fairly successful academically. But would I consider this journey worthy of being called "successful"? I am beginning to question this these days. We teach an awful lot of language and Maths and later on Physics and chemistry to the children but we never show them the applications of what they learn in real life. We must accept the fact that the educational system DOES NOT quench the natural intellectual thirst of the chi  ld.Neither does it teach those essential skills required to lead a comfortable life in our society. I have been thinking about the following skills that I think we ought to impart to children in school 1. Basics of electricity- how to fix a fuse, safety, basic wiring in a house 2. Tailoring-fixing a hook/button, basic stitches 3. Currencies, conversions and reasons -Basic class in economics 4. Reading maps and directions 5....

No man is an island they say. From the very beginning, man has always tried to associate himself to and be identified with a group or a tribe. Initially though, this kind of an association was to make life easier-for food and protection. But as this started developing into communities and societies, not only did life become easy, it also started becoming beautiful and joyous. Thanks to the over glamorisation of the so called "romance between a man and a woman" , these days we only seem to focus on that one relationship. It is just everywhere around us from ads to movies to posters. You just can't escape it. There is so much more around us that melt the heart and reinstate faith and hope in life. The relationship between the manager and his loyal peon, the housewife and her helper, the child and his nanny, the teacher and her student, the zookeeper and the animal, the passengers in the train journey, the old man and his caregiver...so many beautiful relationships around...

There are some very complex situations and scenarios that are extremely difficult to be precisely captured in words , without losing out on the complexity. One of the greatest poets of all times did just that in his song Many a times I have wondered about what exactly he must have gone through to have been able to describe it so very precisely-like hitting the nail on the head "நல்லதோர் வீணைசெய்தே அதை நலங்கெடப் புழுதியில் எறிவதுண்டோ?" We have all seen many many people being subjected to this most unjust disgrace haven't we?I have been studying the popularity of people especially on social media. In a platform which encourages amateur singers, what kind of people have the maximum followers? The fair and the beautiful and the one who can easily affect and influence people. Is it based on talent? Most certainly not! I have seen some extremely mediocre posts on Facebook-of that expressing a certain talent, which is so very mediocre by normal standards even. How many...

Disclaimer: The below mentioned ideas are based on my (limited) experiences and not written with a view of hurting or ridiculing a certain set of people. They are purely personal opinions There is one thing I am quite certainly sure of- every parent wishes his/her best for their child/children and any act is purely a result of unadulterated, genuine concern. Nevertheless, I was trying to recall the different types of parents I have encountered in my working experience in schools. 1. The Hygiene freak-wants his/her child to use a hand sanitiser before and after food, wants their child to use  ONLY the spoon/fork/cutlery given by them and NEVER to use others' cutlery, will provide the child with the cleanest bacteria free water everyday and stop them from drinking water outside, will always give valuable lessons on cleanliness and hygiene to the child at every appropriate situation. 2. The Diplomat- This parent will always say the right things in the meetings. She/He will use...

What is happening to people around us? Of late wherever I have been seeing, I see anger, rudeness and uncivilised behaviour. I recently went to a shop and as I was looking around, I noticed how rude the salesperson behaved. She didn't care to show a thing or smile, all she cared for was to keep things in their respective shelves. I notice people in the service industry not caring to smile. Flight crew members who are supposed to be the most pleasant to deal with, are the rude and impatient and many times don't even respond o customers. Just take a look around you and observe people and how they interact with each other. Without even having to listen to them, you can see unpleasantness.If this is the case with customers and colleagues, you can imagine the plight of strangers. How many times has a stranger smiled at you and said "Good Morning"? What is the reason though? No matter how much I think...I am forced to arrive at that one word that seems to be the main ...

I remember watching a program on TV where a group of researchers, picked some random people at public place and tried to trace their family tree. They were able to establish, that if you trace back several branches of this tree, all these people would have been connected in some way or the other. So to say that all human beings that exist, in the world today must have a common ancestor.  So one humanity and one world but travelling from one place to another is always cumbersome. I find it absolutely absurd that there should be restrictions on ones movement. I consider this as the highest degree of breach of ones freedom. Considering that a person is not dangerous to the society and is able to produce, approve of sufficient funds, shouldn't he be allowed to travel to any place in the world easily. I dream of a world where people may be permitted to move without restrictions. After all the whole of this earth belongs to each one of us... Doesn't it?

I come from a country that has proven , time and again that in order to be successful, education may not be necessary. I have seen way too many men who haven't been educated but have made shit loads of money. So why be educated? Is education a tool to having a career/making money/securing a successful partner/making a name in the society? If that is so, why not teach children in schools ONLY about Physics and Maths and Chemistry and may be a bit of money management? Why do we teach Art and craft? Why do we want children to participate in the million activities-drama, dance, music, elocution and all of that importance we lay on extra curricular activities? Why help children acquire good handwriting? Why show them to appreciate music and art? No matter how hard I think, I go back to Montessori's answer-that one theory that is the basis of the Montessori principle-EDUCATION AS AN AID TO LIFE. Certainly this is the aim of education -to help children understand how to LIVE...not...

Most people at some point or the other reach a point in life where they find themselves alone..with God. All through this journey of life, we travel with this companion called God..forgetting him during good times and remembering, bribing and doing business deals with Him when things don't go too well.We all realise that we came alone into this world and will probably leave the world alone..so no matter how many companions we travel with in this journey, the only one who remains constant is God. When we were very young, we were taught that if we do not do the wrong things, we will be punished by God...and if we do the right things, yes, He will reward us. So eventually somewhere we get into a business relationship. OFFERING something is key..the more you offer, the more you will get. We have seen people flock to the famous places of worship to offer jewellery and money and what not. As if God is some kind of a Mafia king. Many of us have also been trained to FEAR God. "God F...

All of us have gone through the phase of hero worship.Havent we? What was your kind of hero? For most of us this hero was a charismatic strong man who could dance and fight . He probably was also very stylish?And most of our heroes were fake..as in they were heroes only in the silver screen. Nobody even knew/knows what kind of lives they led/lead and whether or not they were really all that we say on the screen. These days of course children also have tennis and football players as their heroes, James Bond, Pop stars, Hollywood stars and what not. How many of us have hero worshipped Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Thomas Alva Edison or Graham Bell. And why not? How much do we even know about these people forget adopting them as our idols! Lets go further backwards and think about the early man. The one who made the first hand axe..the ones who discovered fire and the wheel..The ones who domesticated animals, the ones who found out that when a seed fell on the ground, it could po...

When was the first time you PRAYED with all your being? How old were you then? Who introduced you to the idea of God? Did it change later? Were you ever given a choice in following any religion you wanted to?When did you truly believe in the presence of a supreme power above you? I have been thinking about whether or not it is a good idea to tell children about the idea of God-that power beyond us, that some people call nature..some call fate and many with many more other names. I definitely believe that to thrust a religious notion into the child's impressionable brain is not correct. Neither is it right to cripple the child with the blind faith that everything is beyond us. These are ideas  that are counter productive to development perhaps. But to give him faith and the confidence that there is a supreme power -that could be the only answer to questions for which man has no answers to till date and that this supreme power can give hope and strength during trying times may hel...

It is a very Indian thing to use the word "character" very loosely. She doesn't have a good character...He is not a good character..My character is not such...So many ways of using that word. But what exactly is character and when and how is it formed and when does this forming of character actually stop? The dictionary defines character as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to the individual. What then is personality? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines personality  as  a set of distinctive traits and characteristics. We do not steal We do not kill We do not hurt others We do not shout or be rude to others The above qualities should be part of character building and must start right from the time the child is born The question arises as to why we don't do something that we don't do.  For example why don't we steal or say lies(if we don't i.e.) Is it merely a fear of consequences? If hypothetically you are in a situation that...

I have been reminded of holidays spent in the couch , hot food during rainy days, smell of lavender in the air and lonely swings in trees as I watch a show called Anne with an E . It is a melody of words and sights and something inexplicably soothing about the sweet sweet sound of perfectly spoken "Queen's English". I remember as a child, watching a show called "PolyAnna" at my friend's place. Tv itself was a rarity then..cable tv even more and shows from abroad was an absolute jackpot(if you are lucky enough to get ur hands on the video tape-Courtesy-some Affluent aunt or uncle living abroad). She was one such lucky one and thanks to her, I got to see it too. I remember vividly the sight of pinafore skirts and carriages, scenes of fairs and cakes and of course the delightful music of perfectly spoken English. Childhood memories come flooding back to me as I watch this show too. The dialogues are absolutely charming..sometimes so very profound, it is burde...

Have you noticed the art and craft work that your children bring back home? The work of all children are similar/nearly perfect. Themes are absolutely colossal-pollution, recycling and what not for 2 and 3 year old children. Where do all these pieces of art go? On your fridge and after a few days/weeks into the dustbin. Well, I think dustbin is where it belongs anywhere. Teachers are OCD creatures. They want everything to look beautiful and perfect. Not a crease/scratch. They also seem to practice the idea of equality religiously. Every child's work MUST be good/similar. But why? Because parents tend to compare and they hate it if their friend's child has done a better project than her's. It is a punishment for these children to do such craft with these teachers. This is how it works: Teacher keeps all materials with her. Child walks up to her and sits with her. Teacher does the folding, cutting, creasing etc. All the child has to do is hold/press/colour. How very ...

The most difficult feeling in the whole world is to lose completely to life. There isn't one can do-you can blame people, get angry with them or pity yourself . Sometimes nothing works- no amount of tormenting, crying, wailing or swearing. When life shows you the middle finger, just suck it up and live through. The worst kind of punishment that life can ever give you is to dangle the carrot and make that disappear just when you are about to grab it. Everytime something like that happens, you probably decide never to expect anything again...until the next shiny carrot dangles in front of you. Dear Universe, Please please please give me the strength to endure disappointments, even better, please let me never have any expectations out of this cruel, cruel life.

Whoever refers to children as "poor helpless creatures" has not really worked with them perhaps. If there is one thing you will understand if you observe children is that , they try relentlessly to learn and pick up things that they want to . Have you tried doing something for a child? Did he pushed your hand away?It is his way of saying ..Help me to do it myself. But we adults do not have the patience. We want to do everything for the child. And then when they grow up we complain of their poor motor skills or their laziness. We call it "attitude" . We call it "horrible". It is a lot easier for us to do various things for children-feed them, dress them up, put their shoes on, tie their laces, If it would be possible, we would like to eat and sleep for them as well. Many a times children show us their unhappiness when we do something like this..the most common being pushing our hand away or refusing to do something a certain way. Little children of 2 -4 ...

In school, we used to have a moral science class every week. The only moral that was constantly reinstated was that one needs to be good. If you are bad, bad things will happen to you. So there was always a fear and an inner voice that kept saying that being good can alone give us good things in life. As I became older, this idea was doubted. I did see some people who didn't do the so called "good deeds" but flourished in life while people who were afraid of conscience and never dared to make mistakes, never progressed. So the question ofcourse is what is good and what is bad? How do we choose who we surround ourselves with? Successful people or "good" people? How do we identify these people? This was a confusing question. Sometimes people did good things..and a few other times they did not. People said it was circumstances that decided if a person was good or bad. That doesn't make it easy at all. Does that mean I shouldn't trust anyone? What is life ...

If you are a woman think about the below questions and answer them in your mind When was the first time someone told you , you CANNOT do something and who was it? Who are the people you consider are against you? Who is that person who gossips about you? Which are the people you are afraid to share your successes with , because it is most likely to cause jealousy? Who are the people who gawk at you the most, even in a public place, as if it was their right to look at every part of your body? Who is the person who lays strict rules about what clothes you can wear and what you can't? Who is the person who calls you a slut and a whore? Who are the people who judge you based on looks alone? If you are like me, most of the above answers are about a person/people who belong to the cursed species-Women. God made women with so much potential, talent, compassion, perseverance, strength and then he probably was very worried about making someone so perfect thus causing the other s...

Years of shopping has not just helped me identify good and mediocre products but also to identify different types of sales girls and my response to them. I have blacklisted some brands and shops which employed  stupid tactless sales people..and I swear I will never go back to these places ever! I have wondered about how much these women must be paid? Do they make enough money? Is there a commission they get for every sale? And yet some of them behave horribly?That is insane! So I have tried to classify the different kinds of sales girls. Have you met any of them? 1. The constipated one: You might find these in small shops which have way too many visitors/customers. Probably people just walk in and walk out without buying anything. Even before you finish asking a question, she will say-"We don't have that" 2. The (too)Eager one-You may see these in very large stores where many people walk in on a daily basis and name of the game is "volume". They are consta...

I have had the privilege of witnessing something that I consider one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I have always been intrigued by the helpers in play schools/schools which deal with very young children. There is something very beautiful about the way some of them handle/communicate with the children.It is difficult to believe that these women work only for money. It is heart breaking to see little children , being weaned away from their mothers very early on-how they cry and cry and cry for days together, sometimes this agony extending to a month or so.For these children, these helpers literally replace their mothers.They begin to trust and take to them over a period of time -a solace and a saving grace! I saw one such child-a 2 year old, meek, puny, quiet child who hasn't even started talking confidently.He is always in the company of an "akka" who does everything for him...from helping him with his daily activities to giving him that courage and that...

Being the youngest in the family comes with its share of problems-apart from being (over)protected and handed down things of elders(a new dress is probably something you would get only for birthdays), there is a big big problem that I faced ...and this later on became so ingrained in my system that it became the way of life. That is the dreaded word/illness called "Comparison" As a child I remember being constantly compared-intentions might have been good-to set higher standards and shake the laziness off me, but I started believing that ..that is the way to live.. Constantly being compared to siblings..then with cousins, neighbours, friends, the girl from the US who visits my neighbours, the girl on TV, the girl in the book, the teacher's daughter, teacher's friend's daughter, teacher's brother's daughter..There was no end to this comparison As I grew up, I did the same thing.. I compared myself to my friends-Where were they working? How much money d...

My heart goes out to all parents out there who are doing their best to do the "right thing" for their children. It is like tight rope walking-this parenting thing. One can't be too line ant or too strict. The same strategy doesn't work every time and not for every child. You don't want to put too much pressure on your child but you also want your child to succeed. You want to challenge but not stress out the child. In today's scenario where suicide and depression have seeped into the world of children, isn't it a nightmare to monitor and guide these children? We can't underestimate children at all. They are perfectly capable of manipulating the adult for whatever reason.How does one recognise this and proactively take action? There is not much guidance available for parents at all. They just seem to do be doing what they think is right but sometimes it does backfire. Children also try to push their parents to see how they react and what their brea...

There is one of these characters in the book that I am reading-A typical Singaporean woman who consoles the girl who is going through deep emotional distress and says "There is no problem in this world that food cannot solve!" How trueeee!!! Sometimes I feel that the shows on TV involving food are the most challenging. You can appreciate art and music on TV because the audience exactly sees and hear what you do! But food? How would one get to describe the smell and taste? It must take a very high skill for communication ..Dont you think? Well I think the best you can do to describe taste is the feeling you get when you eat something.. We could probably say.."It was a party in the mouth" or that "I went to heaven and came back" but thats the best you can do. To be able to precisely describe a favour or taste without relating it to something else is not possible. If you attempt to do that, you would just say ..It is sweet or spicy...Duhhhhh.. My 10 year ...

Sometimes I feel that the life of a child is pretty tough. Children are constantly under surveillance (especially by other adults). Taking your child out to a friend's house/party/an event is such a nightmare because you are constantly worrying about how this child is going to behave or whether the people are going to comment behind your back about your child(which they definitely will) Having said it, I do not recall meeting any child(8 years plus) who has absolutely immaculate manners . who speaks confidently without any attitude, who eats most things(vegetables i.e.), who remains calm while the adults have their conversation and who says the right things at the right time. But these are our expectations out of them..Yes? Well...these children are actually trying to understand their role in the society and are figuring out the whole mingling/conversing thing. But do we adults understand this? Well am afraid not For the starters , when children are young, we do not take them ...

Of the many lessons that I have learnt after a few years of working in the corporate world and a few others in education, I have come to realise something about this nation that disturbs me. I use the word Nation and not the world because I do not know about the other races and so I refrain from giving my opinion on them. In case you have been fortunate enough to have an extremely talented person as a relative or a friend or if that person happens to be you-someone who wouldn't settle for anything less than excellence, you might have noticed that these people are usually what the society would call "unsuccessful" or "unpopular". There is no place for excellence today. Usually, the very well dressed, jargon rattling, fair skinned person gets preference in any meeting/presentation. The child who finishes first and writes what the teacher thinks is "good" gets his A+. The teenager who says "I want to be a doctor" is considered "in the righ...